


Am I not good enough for you?

by mick_sage



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dani is a teacher, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Sexual Content, Smut, hot lawyer! Jamie, just a lot of gay feelings i guess haha, oh there will be sex btw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:07:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28091379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mick_sage/pseuds/mick_sage
Summary: AU Where Jamie is a lawyer who just moved in next to Dani and her husband Eddie.“So you’ll just stay there. After all this time? After everything that’s happened?”“It’s not that easy, Jamie...”“It actually is, Dani.”“Please don’t make this harder for me than it already is.”“I’m not meaning to. I’m trying to figure out what’s best for the both of us.”
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Edmund O'Mara, Dani Clayton & Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 90
Kudos: 206





	1. Apple Pie

**Author's Note:**

> Fluff, intimacy and some smut, so beware. ;)  
> Also, Jamie has a very good relationship with her brothers in this one.  
> Plus, this is set in 2019 somewhat.  
> It's a bit slow burn but just trust me that it'll be worth it in the end.

**Chapter 1**

**-Apple Pie-**

“ _ Fuck! _ ” 

Jamie growns and bends down to pick up the box of vases she just dropped.

Initially her older brother Denny offered to help her with moving in but she doesn’t like to be pitied, though that is not what Denny’s intention was.

She’s glad to have him, more than glad actually. But she also never really asks for nor accepts other’s help. Never has because her parents basically couldn’t care less about whether she’d raise herself or not. So that’s what she ended up doing.

Taking care of not only herself, but also her younger brother Mikey and, even though he is a year older than her, Denny.

So when the time finally came and Jamie turned 18 she took Mikey along with Denny and moved out. Was quite the hard work if she was being honest. Just having graduated, now not only working double shifts but full time instead at the local flower shop to support her little family. But it was worth it. So worth it.

“ _ Of course _ …” she thought to herself as she examined the box’s content, hoping that at least one of the vases had survived the crash. But surely none had.

“This a fuckin’ metaphor for my life or what? Dozens of broken pieces?” she mutters.

“How would I know?” a shy voice behind her asks.

Jamie spins around. She almost starts confronting the stranger, sneaking up on her like that. But the woman in front of her suddenly left her speechless. 

These blue eyes must have been the most sparkling she has ever seen and those freckles. They were like stars in the sky on a clear summer night. Not to begin with her blond curls…

Jamie must have been staring because now the woman is waving her hands in front of Jamie’s face. “Hello? Are you still there?”  _ Oh goddamn it, that accent _ . 

“Hi, yes, sorry. M’bad. You just scared me a little, that’s all.”

“Oh, my apologies then. I didn’t mean to startle you.” The beautiful stranger smiles shyly at Jamie, leaving her with no words to speak.

“I’m Danielle Clayton by the way, but you can call me Dani.” She sticks out her hand.

_ Dani _ . A name that feels so intimate, so familiar yet Jamie doesn’t know why that is since they never met before.

Jamie reaches out to shake her hand and introduces herself in return: “Jamie. Taylor. But Jamie is.. uh.. Fine.”

“ _ Damn it, get it together” _ she tells herself. 

“Well it is very nice to meet you, Jamie.”

There is something about the way her name sounds like coming out of Dani’s mouth and she immediately wants to hear it over and over again. What on earth is this woman doing to her?

After all, she really doesn’t have the time, nor the nerve for developing a crush right now.

“So what brings you by then, Dani?”

Dani holds out a glass try with something that looks like a small, crumbled cake.

“Well your door was open and since you’re new to the neighbourhood I decided to bring you a welcoming gift. It’s apple pie. Family recipe. I’m not the best at recreating it though, so I hope it tastes alright. It’s also vegan, gluten free and any other allergy free because I don’t want to accidentally kill you.” With the last sentence she chuckles a bit and again Jamie is telling herself to stop being such a hopeless homosexual.

But really, how thoughtful can someone be?

“That is utterly nice of you. I’m sure it will taste just splendid.” she reassures the blonde.

As Dani hands over the tray she slightly brushes Jamie’s fingers who then looks up at her, taken by surprise and is even more so taken aback when she finds Dani smiling at her.

Either she’s imagining it or her new neighbour is very much flirting with her.

“I should get going now though. Have some errands to run. Don’t hurry with the tray, we’ve got plenty.” Dani explains and points towards the house next door, her house apparently.

Only now Jamie is registering a man on the sidewalk.

“ _ We? _ ” she asks.

“Yes, we. That man over there is my husband Edmund, but he prefers it when people call him Eddie.” 

“Oh!” Her husband. Of course. No woman that kind and gorgeous would be single, let alone into other women. That Eddie truly is a lucky lad.

“Yeah. Well like I said. Better get going. Enjoy the pie!” Jamie can’t help but to notice something in Dani’s eyes. Sadness? Regret maybe? Whatever it is, it breaks her heart and if she could, she would for sure give Dani a hug. But she doesn’t.

Doesn’t because that’s overstepping boundaries. They aren’t even friends yet. Just neighbours.

Just neighbours.


	2. Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie hasn't seen Dani, her new neighbour, the whole week but when she finally does, she is quite uncertain about whether she wanted to see her or not.

**Chapter 2**

**-Tea-**

After their first meeting Jamie didn’t see much of Dani the following week. Actually they didn’t cross paths until Friday evening when Jamie was just unloading her car with a few groceries she had bought for the weekend.

It wasn’t unusual for her to do grocery shopping late in the day since she was always busy at the office up until at least 6 o’clock.

This time though, she was very late and the man at the register was just about to close up when Jamie hastily dropped a couple vegetables, some bread and two bottles of wine on the belt. 

“Sorry, long day at work.” she explained to which the man only rolled his eyes at.

Back in her car she noticed that she had a few unread text messages from her older brother Denny who was checking in on her to see if she’d already settled into her new home.

Jamie made a mental note to call him the next morning because right now she just couldn’t be arsed to do so, given it was already past 10 P.M.

When she pulled up in her driveway she noticed Dani, sitting on the stairs of her veranda.

Still carrying her bags Jamie walks up to her:

“Didn’t expect to see you outside at this time of the day.”

Dani must’ve been caught up in her thoughts because at the sound of Jamie she jumps up.

“Wow, sorry. Guess it was my turn to scare ya huh?” she chuckles.

“No, it’s my fault really. I was lost in thought I suppose. Happens a lot lately actually.”

Dani gives her an apologetic smile.

“Long day?” she says, pointing to Jamie’s bags.

“Yeh. As per usual. Got this client that’s keeping me up at night.”

“Not in THAT way though!” she quickly adds as she sees how Dani is looking at her.

“Don’t know what you mean.” the blonde replies with a smirk.

 _Jesus_ , Jamie thinks, _Is this woman really straight_?

“So what are you doing out here all by yourself then? Got in a fight with ya husband?” she jokes but quickly regrets it as she sees Dani’s reaction.

 _Shite_.

“Uhm something like that, yeah. It’s probably going to sound quite stupid if I tell you.”

“I doubt that. Plus I got time.”

“I don’t know… I mean we barely know each other so I don’t want to drop all my emotional baggage on you.”

Dani is right. They do barely know each other. But she also seems upset right now and Jamie’s instinct tells her she should at least offer to help.

“You’re right. Haven’t had a proper conversation yet, have we?” she laughs awkwardly.

“Listen, I know we’re not friends or anything but if you need someone… I’m here. Plus, you know where to find me, so…” 

Dani gives her a little smile. 

“Alright then. I’m gonna go. Good night. And, I mean it. Just come over if you want. Gonna be up late working anyway.”

“Thank you. That’s really sweet. I might take you up on that offer.”

“Anytime.” Jamie smiles as she takes her belongings and makes her way to her own house and she finds herself smiling not only after she puts away the groceries but even when she steps out of the shower. 

Usually Jamie doesn’t crush on women she’s just met this hard but with Dani… With Dani it’s different. 

She’s only seen her twice now but can already name more small details about her new neighbour than she can about all of her exes combined.

There is something about the way her eyes display her emotions, how her cheeks create small dimples when she smiles and how she would play with her fingers when she seems nervous.

It is already half past midnight when Jamie decides to take a little break from working on her case. This one must be the hardest so far. 

As she pours herself a glass of wine there’s a knock on her door.

Hoping it might be Dani she rushes to open the front door.

“Hi.”

She was right. It is Dani. But she can’t say she’s one-hundred percent happy about her knocking on her door at half past midnight. Dani’s face is red and puffy, her eyes red and swollen. _She definitely must’ve been crying_ , Jamie thinks, and instantly starts worrying.

“What happened?” she asks, but Dani doesn’t answer.

“Come in, please. I’ll make tea.” she offers instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of thank you to everyone who's read my fic so far! I hope you like the second chapter.  
> It is very short but I promise there is much more to come.  
> What do you think happened to Dani?  
> Let me know! <3


	3. Cup of stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a little The Haunting Of Hill House reference. :)

Chapter 3  
-Cup of stars-

“Here you go. Hope ya like it, I’m British after all.” Jamie says as she hands Dani a cup of tea.  
“Thank you.”

  
Dani’s voice is quiet. She sounds tired, almost exhausted, like she hasn’t slept in a week.  
It takes her a long time until she speaks again but Jamie is okay with that.  
As long as Dani is still here she can take care of her.

  
“I really like the mug. It’s cute.”  
Jamie smiles in response. The mug is blue and has loads of tiny stars on it. She found it at a garage sale a couple weeks before she moved in while she was looking for houses.

The little girl who was selling it to Jamie told her that it was her favourite mug but her dad told her to sell it since she is very clumsy.  
“You should’ve insisted on your cup of stars.” she had said to the little girl.  
“It’s okay. It belongs to you now.” the girl explained.  
“Thank you, how much do I owe you?”  
“Oh, I don’t know. Mom said I should just get rid of everything quickly because we’re moving again soon.”  
“Ah, I see. Well then you take this and buy yourself a beautiful tea set for your new place then, alright?” Jamie said as she handed the girl a 20 dollar note.  
The girl gasped “Whoah, that is a lot of money! I can share it with Luke!”  
Charmed by this little kid Jamie chuckled. “Is that your brother?”  
“Even better. He is my TWIN brother. I’m Nell by the way.”The girl, Nell, reached out her hand for Jamie to shake which she does.  
“It is very nice to meet you, Nell. Again, thank you for the mug. I have to go now, I am actually moving into a new house myself and I have a lot to do.”  
“You do? That is so cool!”

  
A woman, Nell’s mum Jamie figures, interrupts them. “Hello Miss. Did you find anything nice?”  
“Mom, look! She gave me a twenty dollar! I can split them with Luke and still have something left for a tea set, won’t I, mommy?”  
“Sure, I think that could be enough.”  
“Well, like I told your daughter, I gotta go now. Have some bags to pack. Thank you for the mug. Have a lovely afternoon you both.” Jamie says as she turns to leave.  
“Byeeee nice lady!” Nell squeaks.

Reminiscing on that short but adorable encounter, Jamie finds herself smiling.

  
“What is it?” Dani asks.  
“Oh, nothing. Was just thinkin’ about the little girl who sold me that mug.” she replies and points at the cup of stars.  
“It really is so beautiful. But also so fragile.”  
“Yeah, that’s what’s got the little one to sell it in the first place. Her parents made her.”  
“It’s a little sad though, isn’t it?” Dani asks.  
“What is?”  
“Well, I mean you said her parents wanted her to sell it but considering how pretty the mug is and how old it seems, it surely had great value to that little girl. If she was my daughter I’d let her keep it. Sometimes the most fragile people are also the ones who will be extra cautious about what they’re doing and how they’re handling things.”  
There is something about the way Dani says that last sentence that makes Jamie want to hug her. Which again, is quite inappropriate since they’re just neighbours.  
Yet she can’t help it but to ask “This is about more than just the mug right? You sure you’re alright? I’m told I’m a good listener. Got the big enough ears for it after all.”  
Dani examines her a little, then chuckles “Your ears aren’t big!”  
“Oh you say that now. Bullies at school thought otherwise.”  
“Bullies?”  
“Uhm, yeah, but it was a long time ago. Doesn’t matter now.”  
“Okay.” Dani replies quietly and with a look on her face that seems like… concern?  
“Look, whatever it is that you’re going through right now, I can try to help. I’m a lawyer after all.”  
“You are??” Suddenly Dani’s eyes are wide open, filled with something like hope, maybe.  
“Indeed I am. Quite new to the job but it’s what I do. Don’t like seeing innocent people being blamed for somethin’ they didn’t do. So I figured, lawyer could be nice.”  
Dani is quiet for a while. Thinks. Then:  
“Well, it’s really calming to hear there’s someone in the neighbourhood who would defend me from the big guys.”  
“I mean, don’t know about the physical part, but I surely am damn good at my job, if I might say so myself.” Jamie grins and Dani finds herself grinning back.  
“I think otherwise though, you’ve got the arms for it.”

Dani starts blushing as she points towards Jamie’s bare arms, who is only wearing a tank top. Well, and pants of course.  
For a second there she wishes she wasn’t. Wishes she’d be laying underneath that hot blonde opposite her.  
 _Christ Taylor, stop it._

  
Now Jamie is the one to start blushing.  
“Seriously though.” she shakes herself out of it. “If there is anything I can help you with, I’d be glad to do so.”  
Jamie thinks for a second, then stands up. “Wait a sec.” She quickly grabs her purse and pulls out a contact card which she then gives to Dani.  
Again their fingers touch slightly as she hands it over.  
“All my details are on there. Well besides my home address, but you know that one already.” she winks.  
Dani exhales “I don’t know what to say. Just, thank you. Really. This is extremely kind.”  
“Course.”

  
They smile at each other and neither one seems to want to break eye contact, both trapped in the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! i am so thankful people are reading my work, it means a lot to me.  
> comments are also very much appreciated :)  
> again, this chapter is short but i'm that person who writes many short chapters rather than a few long ones.  
> also, this is quite slow burn but i have so much more in mind so please bare with me.


	4. Handle with caution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is smut at the end so read with caution *ehem*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!  
> I just saw that I hit 1k reads so I got a big motivation boost. Thank you so much, you don't know how much this means to me.  
> As a thank you, I shall give you a little bit adult content.  
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 4**

**-Handle with caution-**

_With a little bit of smut… ;)_

“Thanks again for tonight. I am a little embarrassed to be honest. You know, coming over unannounced, crying and in the middle of the night, I-“

“Hey, seriously. It’s fine. I promise. Also, I offered you to come over so there’s no need to apologise.” Jamie interrupts her.

“Okay, that’s a relief actually.” Dani exhales and pushes her hair out of her face.

For a moment she looks unsure about what to do next but then she pulls Jamie into a quick, but tight hug. Jamie freezes.

It’s not like she hadn’t wanted to hug Dani. She just kind of wanted to be the one to do it first, considering the state Dani was in just 30 minutes ago.

Dani seems to notice how tense Jamie got and suddenly lets go “I’m so sorry. I- … Was that not okay? God I should’ve asked before, I’m-“

Again Jamie interrupts her and grabs her hands:

“Dani. I’m fine. This was more than okay. Just a bit surprised. Trust me, if I hadn’t been okay with this you sure would’ve noticed.”

She gives her a smile.

“Okay.” Dani laughs nervously.

There is a silence between them for a moment that feels way too comfortable for Jamie so she clears her throat while rocking back and forth on her feet.

“You sure you’re gonna be alright for tonight?”

“Yes. I will be okay. Don’t worry. And thank you for understanding.”

“‘Course. No pressure from my side.”

“I should probably be wearing a sign on my head that says ‘Handle with caution’ so you would know what you’re getting yourself into.” Dani chuckles nervously and starts blushing.

“No need. Absolutely no need.”

“Good night, Jamie.” she smiles.

“Good night, Dani.” Jamie smiles back and watches as the blonde makes her way over to her own house.

She waits until Dani is back inside and then decides to stay out a little longer. The night air feels warm on her skin, or it might be the heat that kept rushing up inside of her whilst talking to her neighbour.

* * *

Dani’s breath feels hot on Jamie’s mouth but that’s not the only thing Jamie is feeling.

Inside of her, everything feels like a firework, like she is about to explode any moment.

When she imagined having sex with the hot blonde, this is far from what she had expected.

Dani feels so much better, sounds so much better than any of Jamie’s imaginations.

A little bit shy, Dani slowly moves one finger inside of her. “That okay?”

“So okay, love.” Jamie replies. “Kiss me.” she says but it’s more like a question.

And Dani does. They quickly find their rhythm, Jamie opening her mouth for Dani who slips her tongue in, dancing around in her mouth.

There’s a sudden movement coming from Dani’s right hand as she puts her pointer finger on Jamie’s entrance, asking for permission.

“Do you like that?” Dani whispers into Jamie’s ear.

“Mhm..” is all she can manage as Dani slips a second finger inside of her.

“Dani... Don’t stop please.” she cries as Dani starts rubbing circles on her clit with her thumb.

“Wasn’t planning on it, babe.” she replies and starts placing gentle kisses on Jamie’s neck.

Dani keeps going until she feels Jamie’s orgasm coming and then decides to stop moving her fingers.

“You know, I never took you for a bottom, Jamie.” she teases.

“Dani, what… What are you doing?” Jamie pleads.

“The question is: what are YOU doing?” she replies and points down to between Jamie’s legs where the brunette’s hand is resting now.

* * *

Jamie jerks up.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Her right hand is still between her legs, her skin down there wet, her left hand on her nipples.

Quickly she removes both.

She looks around her bedroom.

No sign of Dani.

It was just a dream.

And what a dream it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> This was my first time writing smut, let me know what you think, I need feedback hahah


	5. Dishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Zack for being a true Damie supporter ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> I'm sorry I had you waiting for so long, I literally had the worst writer's block ever and somehow today everything just flew out of me I guess.  
> Again, keep in mind this is slow burn. :)  
> Thanks to all of you who keep commenting nice things and especially Thanks to my dearest friend Cata for helping me out with a few ideas. Love you! <3

**Chapter 5**

**-Dishes-**

The next morning when she wakes up, Jamie feels like she hasn’t slept at all.

Which, to be fair, isn’t completely wrong. She kept tossing and turning from one side to the other, trying to forget about the dream she had.

She rolls over to check the time. 8:09 a.m.

Knowing she won’t get more sleep now anyway she kicks back the sheets and makes her way to the bathroom.

Saturdays for Jamie are normally no different from a Tuesday or Friday. After she’s made herself a cup of tea and two slices of toast she goes straight to her desk to continue working on her current case.

Around 3 o’clock in the afternoon her stomach lets her know for the third time now that it definitely needs some food or else it will drive her crazy. So she quickly clears up her space a little bit and goes into the kitchen.

Whilst she is rummaging around the cupboards, thinking of what she could cook, she finds the glass tray that Dani brought over. The pie, of course, is long gone by now. She had to admit to herself that this was probably the best apple pie she’s ever eaten in her life.

What isn’t gone by now though is the fact that she has to bring it back at some point. 

Figuring it’s best to do it as soon as possible rather than wait until it’s too late, she glances down on herself to make sure she looks alright, takes the tray and makes her way over to her neighbour’s house.

Before she rings the doorbell, Jamie takes a deep breath, reminding herself that she’s okay, that there’s nothing to worry about. What happened was a dream, it wasn’t her fault.

It takes a quick minute before the door is opened. But not by Dani as Jamie has wished for, but by her husband Edmund, who looks somewhat confused by the woman in front of her.

“Ehm, Hi, I’m the new neighbour. Your wife brought over some pie a couple days ago. Just wanted to bring the tray back.” Jamie stumbles.

“Ah, yes! Right! I remember now, forgive me.” Edmund laughs and grabs the tray rather roughly. 

“Dani told me how kind you were to her last night.”

“Oh, uhm…”

“It was really nice of you to invite her over. She’s having a bit of a stumble lately. Nothing serious though. I would’ve cheered her up myself, you know,” he winks then continues “but I had to take the night shift. When I got home this morning Dani told me that you offered to invite her for a glass of wine. Thanks for that.”

Wow, this man really had no idea that his wife was straight up lying to his face. But why?

Why didn’t Dani tell him that she went over without an invitation?

  
Instead of correcting him, Jamie replies “No problem. Always happy to help.”

And she means it.

“Well how about we invite you as a Thank You in return? Are you free for dinner tonight?”

This is taking quite the unexpected turn Jamie thinks but she also really wants to see Dani again, especially after their conversation last night so she agrees to be back at Dani’s and Edmund’s place at 7 p.m.

When she returns to her kitchen, her stomach makes notice of its existence but since she agreed to the dinner tonight, Jamie makes herself a salad, grabs an apple and sits down on her desk again. Before starting on her work again she quickly sets an alarm for 6:15 p.m., knowing herself that otherwise she would just end up working until night.

Three hours pass by like basically nothing but when her alarm goes off, Jamie actually feels like she’s getting closer to having this case worked out.

Quickly she puts the dirty bowl and glasses in the dishwasher, then hurries to the bathroom and hops in the shower, hoping it will calm her down a little bit.

She lets the water wash away the signs of working all day and uses her favourite shampoo to wash her hair.

When she steps out of the shower, she already feels a tad better, less nervous about the dinner but still unsure of why Dani lied.

She’s not usually fond of doing her make-up, thinks it is a bit of a waste of time that could be spent otherwise, but tonight something inside of her calls for some foundation, blush and mascara.

Of course she tells herself that she’s not doing it to impress Dani, but simply to look and feel a bit nicer.

After her face is done and as she stands in front of her wardrobe, deciding what to wear, her phone rings. It’s Denny, wanting to facetime.

Jamie hesitates for a moment, remembering that she had wanted to call him this morning but forgot because of her work.

“Hey sis!” Denny’s voice chimes as she slides to answer the call.

“Hey Den. Sorry ‘bout missing your calls, I’ve been-”

“-extremely busy, I get it, no need to explain.” he finishes her sentence.

“No, but I really am sorry. I swear I meant to call you this morning but then I got caught up in my work and now I’m getting ready for dinner with Dani and it’s just been a bit stressful lately.”

“Oooh, Dani, huh? Is she nice? Is she a  _ date _ ?” Denny teases.

“Yes and no. She is more than nice but no, she’s not my date.”  _ Sadly _ , she adds mentally.

“She’s my new neighbour and her husband invited me over to dinner. It’s actually quite helpful that you called because I have no idea what to wear.”

“Wait, she is not a date but you still get unsure about what to wear?”

“You know me, Den. Always trying to impress the ladies. Something we both have in common, eh?” she laughs.

“True. Well then I’d go for the green button up and black slacks, in case you haven’t gotten rid of them yet.” he prompts.

Jamie snorts “Just because I wanted to get a fresh start, doesn’t mean I would throw away all of my good clothes.”

“Some people do.” Denny replies.

“Well, I’m not exactly like some people, am I?” Jamie asks with a slight hint of sadness in her voice.

“Jamesy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come off like that. You know I didn’t.”

Jamie knows so she nods “I do. Sorry. I’m a bit nervous if I’m being honest. Don’t even know why.”

Denny is the only person in her life Jamie allows herself to open up to. Well and her dozens of plants of course, but they never talk back at her.

“It’s okay to be nervous, there doesn’t need to be a reason. Anxiety is not as uncommon as many people still think it is. We actually had a lecture about it once-”

“Denny! Shush! If we start talking about your psychology studies now, I will be late for dinner.” Jamie cuts him off.

“Alright, alright. But still, it’s okay to be nervous. I think there might be a reason for it, right?”   
  
Of course Denny is right. He mostly is. Sometimes it scares Jamie how well her brother knows her, but she won’t complain. It’s nice to have at least one grown up in the family who sticks up for her.

“There’s just something about her… I don’t know. I get this feeling that there’s something wrong going on between them and you know damn well I can’t just let it go.”   
  
“Yeah, I know.”

“Speaking of letting things go, I really need to get dressed now. Thanks for the advice Big Bear.”   
  
“Always happy to help, Jamesy. Talk soon, love you.” 

“Love you too.” Jamie smiles at Denny which he returns and they hang up.

  
  


After she’s checked herself out in the mirror, she sends a mental Thank You to Denny because he was right.

She  **does** look good in the button up and slacks.

Since Edmund didn’t say anything about whether or not Jamie should bring anything, she figures it’s nice to do it anyway.

So she grabs one of the bottles of wine that she bought yesterday, the filled one obviously, quickly checks if her blouse looks alright, then heads out the door.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Jamie isn’t the only one who dressed up for tonight.

For a second she stops dead in her tracks when Dani walks up to her out of the kitchen, looking like an absolute angel.

Dani chose a lavender coloured dress paired with a cardigan in almost the same colour but a little bit darker and a subtle golden necklace that has a tiny flower attached to it. Her blonde curls fall loosely around her shoulders.

She too seems to have to gather herself whilst taking in the brunette in front of her.

Everybody else probably would have noticed the slight tension between them and if Edmund did too, he doesn’t let the two of them know. Though he seems to have absolutely no gaydar whatsoever, since he just grins weirdly and offers to take the bottle off Jamie and leaves the hallway.

“Hey again.” Jamie greets her, not sure whether to hug Dani or not but the decision is quickly taken off her as Dani pulls her into a quick embrace and whispers “Please don’t tell him about last night.”

“I won’t.” Jamie whispers back, suddenly worried.

As they pull apart Dani gives her a small smile and takes her hands. “Thank you for coming.”

  
  


Throughout dinner Jamie keeps glancing over to Dani, trying to figure out what happened between her and Edmund and why Dani is so scared about him finding out the truth. 

Whenever Dani is saying something that makes Jamie laugh, she immediately glances over to Edmund, almost afraid she’s said the wrong thing and after about half an hour later it becomes clear to Jamie that this isn’t the first time Dani seems to be walking on eggshells around him.

When they are all done with their meals and are chattering away, Edmund’s phone rings and he excuses himself.

“Was the food alright? Did you like it?” Dani asks hesitantly once he is out of the room.

“It was lovely. Really. Haven’t had pasta in quite a while so it was a nice change for once.” Jamie says.

With that Dani eases up a little. “Oh, good. I was a bit scared I would mess it up. Mostly because I didn’t have much time to prepare everything since Eddie basically surprised me with the news of you coming over tonight.”

“Hey, seriously. I loved it.”

“Again? You’ve got to be kidding me.” Edmund groans from the kitchen.

“Everything alright?” Dani asks loudly.

“They’re making me do night shift again tonight.” he says as he emerges from the room, one hand covered over the phone.

“Can’t you call Zack?” he asks into the phone and waits for the caller’s response.

“Alright I will ask him. I’ll call you back.”

“Ugh, I do love my job, but five night shifts in a row is truly exhausting.” he explains.

“I’m sorry, Eddie. Maybe Zack can cover for you tonight? You should call him.” Dani says as she walks over to Edmund and rubs his back for comfort.

“Anything I can help with?” Jamie asks although she knows how pointless that question is.

“Maybe I can help with the dishes?” she adds quickly.

Edmund says that would actually be a great thing and he hurries away to call his colleague.

“You don’t have to help with the dishes though, I can handle them.” Dani says.

“I don’t mind, seriously. I would be working anyway, knowing myself. Dishes are a nice distraction.” Jamie chuckles.

“Just as I thought.” Edmund huffs as he comes back. “No night off for me I guess. I hope I didn’t come off as rude with the dish thing. I would rather have you keep Dani company for a little longer.” he says to Jamie.

“Oh, sure thing!” she replies maybe a bit too quickly, too enthusiastically. But she can’t take it back and only Dani seems to notice it because she starts grinning.

“Thanks a lot, Jamie. And it was lovely to meet you!”

Edmunds grabs his jacket and keys from the shelf by the door and kisses Dani’s cheek. 

“I hope I won’t be too long. Sleep well my love.”   
And with that he’s out the door.

* * *

  
  


“So he likes it there then?” Jamie asks as Dani hands her a glass of wine.

“Yes, very much. I mean he has to work a lot but he’s really good at his job. Well, as far as I know, I haven’t actually been one of his patients.” Dani chuckles.

Jamie has learned that Edmund works in the hospital nearby and she has to admit that she’d never pictured him as a doctor.

She lets her eyes scan the room a bit, take everything in. Somehow she can tell exactly which pieces Dani picked out for their living room. 

Like the small pastel coloured plant pots that sit on the bookshelf.

Or the coffee table lamp shaped like a light bulb.

Or the abstract painting of a butterfly that hangs across the wall from where the tv hangs.

“You okay?” Dani asks but it’s more of a “Yokay?” that comes out. Fair enough, she’s had about three glasses of wine by now, which is nothing for Jamie but definitely is doing something to the blonde opposite her.

Jamie laughs a little “Yes, I’m okay. Are you though? You’re slurring your words.”   
  
“Oh. Am I?” Now Dani looks very embarrassed so quickly Jamie adds “But it’s cute. I mean, it’s sweet. Well, nothing to be ashamed of anyway.”   
  
_ Fuck’s sake Jamie, keep it in your pants will ya? _

“Do you want to watch a movie maybe? You can choose which one.” Dani asks shyly. “I feel like I need to sober up a little so make sure it’s nothing too sad or boring.” she adds and points towards the DVD collection in the bookshelf.

“Eddie never watches any of them except the really scary stuff or war movies.” Dani says.

Jamie has already found a movie but pretends to still be looking for one, so she can get a glimpse of what movies Dani could possibly be into. Obviously some of these DVDs must belong to Edmund though, because Jamie highly doubts that Dani would be interested in the complete collection of Band Of Brothers. Or she is reading her completely wrong, which she doubts as well.

“Found a good one?” Dani is suddenly next to her. She feels warm and her cheeks are flushed from the alcohol, her pupils a little widened.

Either now Jamie is the tipsy one or she feels Dani’s eyes linger on her lips for a second.

As Jamie holds up the DVD Dani lets out a squeak and it’s the silliest yet sweetest sound Jamie has come across so far. “Matilda! My favourite! How did you know?”   
  
“Wait, YOUR favourite? I didn’t! I mean, it’s my favourite so…”

Dani takes her hands and leans in a little “I knew why I liked you from the beginning.”

  
  
  


They’re halfway through the movie and Ms Trunchbull is just about to drink from the glass with the newt in it when Jamie hears a silent snore coming from her left on the sofa.

She looks over and immediately wants to take her phone out and snap a photo.

There she is, Dani Clayton, all snuggled up on the couch, an arm resting under her head, the other resting on her stomach.

Her hair is a bit tousled and it just makes her look more adorable.

Jamie wishes she could just curl up next to her and hold her while they both lay there until the sun goes up. 

But there are so many reasons why that cannot happen.

The biggest being that Dani is married, plus Jamie doesn’t know if she is even queer and thirdly… 

She simply can’t.

Can’t allow herself to feel that way for a person she’s known for merely a week.

So instead she turns off the tv, but leaves the DVD in the player, grabs a blanket from the sofa and gently puts it over Dani who is still fast asleep.

Not wanting to cause her distress, she rips out a piece of paper from the notebook on the coffee table and leaves Dani a note for when she wakes up.

She considers leaving the note on the coffee table but then makes up her mind and hides it in the DVD box and leaves that in front of the tv instead.

Since Dani mentioned that Edmund barely touches any of the DVDs they own other than all the bad movies, she figures she’s safe.

As quiet as possible she grabs her jacket and purse and steals one last glance at Dani before she leaves out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any Matilda fans here???  
> Don't worry, there'll be more intimacy SOON ;)


	6. Bandana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh how I loooove to tease hehe. Don't worry, you'll get an update by the end of the day ;)

**Chapter 6**

**-Bandana-**

When Jamie got home last night, she never would’ve thought that she’d be spending the next day with Dani, again.

Yet, here she is. Dani for that matter. Standing on her front porch, asking her to spend the day with her because she wants to apologise.

“I’m serious, Jamie. Last night was quite embarrassing. I can’t believe I drank so much that I passed out!! Please let me make up for the lost time at least.” 

“Well, it was the good kind of passing out though. Much rather you fall asleep on the sofa than I’d have to collect you from the bathroom floor, right?” Jamie tries to cheer her up.

“Mhm, I guess so. So what do you say then?” Dani quickly changes the topic.

“You sure your husband won’t mind?” 

At the mention of Edmund Dani flinches.

“Yes, he’s always spending Sundays with his friends uptown so I’d be alone until late evening anyway. And I’d prefer it if you kept me company, you know, protect me from the bad choices I could make.” she ends the sentence with a slight grin.

“I doubt you make lots of bad choices but sure, I’ll accompany you. Just give me a minute to get changed. You can wait in the living room if you’d like.” Jamie offers and so Dani agrees and lets herself plop on the nearest sofa.

She mimics what Jamie had done not long ago and scans her place, though she has seen it already, but not properly the last time she has been here.

Dani must admit, she surely likes what Jamie has done here, all the colours seem to smoothly go over into one another and not a single item looks out of place. 

The sofa is a bright green colour, but not the kind that kids would use to draw grass, no, more of a mint colour, that holds such a warmth to it. It sort of looks like matcha.

The plants everywhere feel so much like Jamie, every single one looks like it had been picked out with the biggest care, some even look like they were saved from the sidewalk.

It’s all the mismatched plant pots and vases that draw Dani’s attention.

None of them look “regular”, some don’t look like real vases at all.

In fact, there are various items upcycled to be a plant pot, like an old milk can, a cook pot that looks like it could have belonged to Jamie’s grandmother, many cups that hold little succulents and even a few marmalade jars that still have their label on them.

If Dani didn’t know who lived here, she never would have pictured Jamie Taylor, a 27 year old lawyer in a navy blue blazer to be the owner of this house.

The good thing is, that she knows that Jamie is much more than just her profession.

She is truly one of a kind. 

The way she would lean in to listen, when Dani told her a story about some kids at the school she works at, or how she would keep glancing at her during dinner, how she had offered to help with the dishes which isn’t necessarily a big thing but still.

Or how that blouse would reveal just enough for Dani to secretly steal glances at it from across the table, how her curls bounce up and down when she laughs, how the slacks she wore last night hugged her thighs and butt so perfectly-

“Alright, I’m ready.” Jamie brings her back from her daydream about the brunette’s muscles.

Dani sighs mentally but smiles nevertheless and says “Me too, let’s go. I’ll drive.”

* * *

Dani wouldn’t tell her where they were going which, to be fair, seemed a little scary, considering that both women have only really known each other for two days.

But ultimately Jamie didn’t care, because if she was ever going to be kidnapped, she surely would’ve chosen her hot blonde neighbour as the person to do it.

Turns out Dani wasn’t a kidnapper though, not only because she assured Jamie a hundred times that she didn’t plan on taking her to an abandoned warehouse (yes, totally a thing a kidnapper would say) but also because during the drive she did everything to make Jamie feel as comfortable as possible, and in the most anxious way possible.

“Are you cold? Or too warm? I can lower the AC if you want to as well.”   
  
_ (“No, the temperature feels great.”) _

“If you’re thirsty, I always keep emergency water bottles in the glove compartment.”

_ (She wasn’t but thanked her nonetheless.) _

“Is this music alright? If not, feel free to change the station.”   
  
_ (She liked this type of music though.) _

  
  


Once they reached a car park, Dani told Jamie to close her eyes.

“Why?” Jamie asks perplexedly.

“Just.. trust me. You’ll see for yourself. So, trust me?” There is a slight tone of insecurity in her voice but then she pulls out a blue bandana out of her purse from the side of the door and all of a sudden the hesitation is gone. “Put this on, please?” she asks quietly.

And Jamie wonders what she had gotten herself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked this chapter, please leave kudos or a comment. whether that's an emoji, keysmash or whatever. it means a lot! XX


	7. Poppies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the YEARNING 😩, i apologise

**Chapter 7**

**-Poppies-**

When Dani asked her to put on a bandana as a blindfold, a million pictures flashed before Jamie’s eyes but surely not what was about to happen next.

Carefully the blonde helped her out of the car after she fixed the bandana.

From afar all that Jamie could hear were a few rustling leaves and other than that there was silence.

“Okay, Dani, now I am getting a little scared. You sure you’re not taking me out here to kill me? Because if so, may I remind you I can sue you for it.” Jamie prompts.

Dani laughs and takes Jamie’s hand “Technically, if you were dead you won’t be physically able to sue me but, no. That is not what I had in mind. If you feel uncomfortable with the bandana though you can take it off. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries.”

Jamie shakes her head “It’s fine, I’m alright.”

She is about to point out that she somehow already crossed one by asking her to cover her eyes with a blindfold and follow her when they barely even know each other, but she lets Dani drag her forward anyway.

“I found this spot a couple months ago, on a Sunday actually. I was driving around and somehow it called to me. It felt like the right place to be.” Dani explains whilst they are walking hand in hand through what feels like tall grass.

“I have to admit, it is kind of my special place, not even Eddie knows about it and, to be fair, I don’t know why exactly I took you here but I said I would apologise for last night so I hope this does it justice.”

All the words came out in such a quiet rush that Jamie barely hears her, wouldn’t she be standing right beside her.

“You can take the blindfold off now, by the way.” Dani whispers, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere, but keeps holding Jamie’s hand.

Jamie does as she’s told and manages to take off the bandana with one hand only, not wanting to let go of Dani’s hand.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she’s looking at and her mouth basically drops open which makes Dani laugh.

“I knew it would be worth it.” she says.

“Dani, this is…” Jamie begins but no words seem to be right for this place.

In front of her stretches the biggest field of poppies, dancing in the sun in their bright red colour, their little heads turning towards the sun.

The light seems to be capturing every single flower on its own and makes it look like a painting.

Somehow no one else seems to be around, almost as if nobody wants to disturb the flowers in their beauty.

There aren’t even other flowers on this field, like you would normally find them.

A squeeze of a hand finally brings Jamie back to her senses.

“Do you like it?” Dani whispers.

Jamie turns to her and has to clear her throat before she speaks, it suddenly having become really dry.

“I love it. This is magnificent. I don’t even have words for it.”

This gets her the biggest, most beautiful smile from Dani she has ever seen on her.

“I’m so relieved. I was worried for a second that you might think this is cheesy.”

“It isn’t. Really isn’t. It is the opposite, if not more than that.” Jamie says as she slowly walks closer to the field.

“I tend to come here whenever I need time away from everything. To think and to just, you know, calm down.” She lets out a sad chuckle.

“Is there something right now that you need to think about?” 

Dani doesn’t respond right away, instead she walks a few steps onto the field, looking for a spot with very few flowers, and lays down.

“Join me?” She lifts her head and looks at Jamie who makes her way over to and lays down next to her, leaving just enough space between them for it to not be awkward.

Thinking that maybe it will help Dani to open up a little bit more, Jamie gathers her strength and decides to tell her a few things about herself.

“I used to have a spot like this too, back home, you know?”

“You did?” 

“Yup. Wasn’t as beautiful as this though. We had this small spot of woods behind our house once. Was pretty much just a collection of old branches but one day as I was playing around there I found what looked like a tree house. It wasn’t pretty fancy or comfortable, but it was the only place where no one would find me. Even felt more like home than the bloody houses I grew up in.”

“HouseS?” Dani asks.

Jamie sighs and rubs her forehead.

“Grew up in many different places. Got put into foster care when I was 8, my brothers were 9 and 7. Somehow we always managed to stick together. But hey, look at me, all grown up now! A shining beacon of reform basically!” 

Changing topics has become a real skill over the years for Jamie and she’s glad that Dani doesn’t seem to mind as much.

“So what happened when you turned eighteen?” Dani wants to know and with the way she says it, Jamie thinks she won’t be able to deny her anything ever.

“Well, I took my brothers and got us a small flat in town after I graduated. Took up even more shifts at the shop to pay rent but I don’t regret any of it. My ex blamed me for not having much time for her, but what can one do? It was either a roof over my head or sneaking into a girl’s bedroom after her parents went to bed. And I think we can both agree that the former is the only reasonable choice here.”

“A… girl? So you’re…?”

“Gay?” Jamie finishes her sentence.

“Yeah.” Dani whispers and from the corner of her eye Jamie can see that she is pretty much blushing.

“How long… I mean when.. When did you know you were gay?” she turns so that now she’s facing Jamie who does the same in return.

“I think for me it’s always been clear. I never fancied any boys in school and used to be pretty protective of my best friends which might have been because I had a crush on one or two of them. It was when I got older, say 14, 15, that I started to properly realise what was going on. I didn’t tell anyone until I got out of foster care though. Wasn’t like any of the parents cared much anyway. Denny, my older brother, was the first one to find out. Luckily for me he was pretty cool about it, didn’t ask many questions, just accepted the fact that instead of a brother-in-law he’d maybe someday be getting a sister-in-law.”

Dani’s eyes grew wider and wider with every word coming from Jamie’s mouth and now she was looking at her in such an awe that made Jamie want to cry.

“Wow. That seems all… Good, I guess. I’m glad you had your brother.”

Jamie laughs “Yeah it’s all good” but as she sees Dani’s hesitation she adds “It’s alright though. You asked, I answered. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to say. I’m glad you listened though.”

“I’m glad you told me.” Dani whispers and looks at her intensely.

This is the first time Jamie allows herself to properly look at Dani. She was the first one to start staring so why not.

There are tiny freckles all over her face that Jamie hasn’t seen before.

Her eyes look even bluer from this close and there are very small spots of grey in them that look like raindrops on a window.

Laying this close to her, Jamie can hear Dani’s breath and if she focuses strongly enough on it even feel the warmth of her skin which reminds her of the first time Dani was at her place.

“I wish I had a place other than this that felt like home.” she says eventually.

Jamie arches up an eyebrow. “Hope you don’t mind me askin’ but what about Edmund?”

Dani moves a hand under her head and when she speaks her voice is so full of regret and pain that again, Jamie wants to cry.

“He stopped feeling like home a long time ago. It’s not like he’s done something bad it’s just… He’s barely there these days, which isn’t even the worst part, but I simply don’t know anymore if marrying him was such a good idea. I love him, I really do. Just… not in a way that is expected of me I guess.”   
  


“No one is expecting you to feel happy in a marriage that doesn’t serve you, Dani.” Jamie tries but Dani draws her gaze away.

“I know family members try to push you into this belief that if you don’t come home with a ring on your finger by the age of 20 you’re a disappointment to everyone including Aunt Karen. Trust me, I’ve heard about it. My brother’s girlfriend, Eve which is short for Evangeline, her family is literally obsessed with planning out their wedding and they both don’t even want to get married.”

Dani now has looked back at her but all she manages to say is “Mhm. Maybe you’re right.”

Jamie gives her a small smile.

“Would you… would you mind not telling him about this? Eddie I mean.”

“Of course. Secret’s safe with me. Promise.” She notices a strand of hair has fallen out of Dani’s ponytail and slowly reaches out her hand to gently push it behind her ear.

She then lets her finger rest on her face for a minute longer than is probably acceptable for the moment but she just has to let Dani know that she is there for her.

For a second she somewhat expects Dani to pull away but then she feels a weight on her hand and glances over, only to see that Dani has brought up her own hand to cover Jamie’s.

When she looks back at Dani she finds her smiling.

“Thank you. It really means more than you can imagine.” she whispers.

* * *

They lay like this for a while, Jamie’s right hand now holding Dani’s in the grass, the other under her head.

At some point Dani pulls out her phone to check the time and flinches when she shows the screen to Jamie.

“It’s past 6 p.m. We should probably head back now. Not because I want to leave but traffic during this hour is brutal as you may know and I promised Eddie I would watch the latest episode of this show he’s into with him.”

“S’ okay. I got to prepare for work tomorrow as well and oh yes, I know the traffic. It’s bloody awful.” she groans and Dani laughs.

“What?” Jamie asks, confused.

“Nothing, I just.. I love it when you say that.  _ Bloody awful _ . So british.” Dani tries to mimic the accent but clearly doesn’t get it quite right which now gives Jamie a reason to laugh.

As Dani stands up Jamie is already on her feet so she offers her a hand, which she happily takes.

“Such a gentleman.” she teases.

Jamie bows down and replies in a strong accent “Anything fer you, me lady.” 

This brings out the kind of laugh in Dani that Jamie swear she can never get enough of.

  
  


They’ve been driving for about 10 minutes when Dani suddenly inhales very loudly and excitedly taps Jamie on the shoulder. 

“Look, Jamie, look! Oh my god, isn’t it beautiful?” she points at the sky on her right.

The sun has started to set and turned the sky into the most beautiful shade of pink and purple that both of them have probably ever seen.

Again Jamie is at loss for words, even though she is a sunrise type of girl, which she doesn’t tell Dani of course. Because right now, everything feels amazing. 

She might never be in a relationship with her, but Jamie is more than grateful for the day they spent together and how Dani would let her open up without any judgement and how she did the same.

“I love the sunset so much.” she hears Dani whisper.

“Me too, Dani, me too.”

* * *

Once they return to their driveway Dani seems relieved that her husband’s car is nowhere to be found for now.

They unbuckle their seatbelts and make their way out of the car.

Dani stops and turns towards Jamie and opens her mouth to say

“I’m so glad you came with me today.” at the same time as Jamie stars saying

“I’m so glad you invited me today.” which makes them both laugh.

Dani takes a step towards Jamie who doesn’t really know what’s happening and even though she wishes, she so deeply wishes Dani would make the first move here and make things so much clearer for her, she is glad when instead of leaning in for a kiss Dani takes her hands and squeezes it. 

This is probably the safer option anyway, because of so many reasons.

What if Edmund just showed up out of the blue?

Or a neighbour would walk by and see them?

Neither of them want this day to end, want to go back to their daily lives and so they just stand there, holding each other’s hands and looking deeply into one another’s eyes.

Dani is the first one to break the contact.

“Good night, Jamie.” she says then turns around and unlocks her front door.

* * *

  
  


It is much later that night when Jamie is curled up on the sofa, freshly showered in her favourite pyjamas as she gets a text from Dani.

“ _ Thanks again for today. I definitely had a great time. And also thank you for trusting me and being my secret’s keeper.  _ ❤️”

Jamie can’t help herself but smile, reliving the afternoon they had.

  
“ _ Anytime, Poppins. _ ” she types back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE SLOW BURN haha, anyway, there's more to come the next chapters, y'all are in for a riiiide.   
> if you liked this, please leave a comment xx


	8. Take me home, I feel homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would apologise for the angst but... well if you want to yell at me, my tumblr is @moonflowermick , so send me a message there :D
> 
> Quick TW for a short mention of verbal abuse.

**Chapter 8**

**-Take me home, I feel homesick-**

The next few days Jamie obviously can’t stop thinking about the afternoon with Dani. 

Although nothing happened between them, the time they spent together, the space and air they shared, feels even more intimate than any hook up Jamie’s ever had. She never allows for her one night stands to become more than that, simply because she’s been hurt so many times before that she cannot and doesn’t want to deal with the heartbreak and grief that follow a breakup.

With Dani on the other hand.

Everything feels different.    
  
It feels lighter, easier, like a breeze of summer air on your skin.

And despite the fact that they have only just met, Jamie feels like she can trust her.

(And vice versa, though Jamie doesn’t know it yet.)

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday morning pass and on Wednesday afternoon, around 3 p.m. Jamie has finally, finally won the case she has been working on for over a month.

It was for sure a tough one but she is more than glad to be so good at her job, that her boss trusted her with it.

Figuring this accomplishment needs a celebration, she sends a text to Dani.

_ “Got off work early today, or rather, this week. Cracked the case! You up for coffee?” _

Maybe this is too much, too soon, after Dani told her how she feels about Edmund, but Jamie hasn’t made any close friends in the new town yet so her neighbour is the best company anyway.

After about 15 minutes she gets a reply.

_ “Yay! Congrats! Coffee sounds good, but it’s parents evening today. Will be here until 7. Tomorrow?” _

Jamie is a bit disappointed but a second later there’s another text.

_ “Or you can come pick me up afterwards and we’ll go for dinner?” _

Now, that is definitely something, Jamie thinks. And she thought she was the one asking for “too much”.

Before she can change her mind she replies.

_ “Sure thing. Text me the address, I’ll be there by 7.” _

  
  


Since they agreed to meet up later, Jamie still has a few hours to pass so she drives back home to pick a nice outfit. God knows she’ll feel better when wearing something fancy, especially if it’s Dani who is asking her to dinner.

For a second she thinks about facetiming Denny and asking him for clothing advice again, but this time she wants to keep this little “date” to herself.

This time she goes with a sand-coloured turtleneck and black dungarees.

Dungarees have never let her down.

* * *

  
  
  


Once she arrives at the primary school she immediately feels out of place.

Between all the mums in their pink cardigans and with their pearl necklaces, she is definitely standing out in her outfit that somewhat screams “GAY”.

She is glad when she sees a single mum smiling at her when she walks by and asks her where Miss Clayton’s room is. She shows her the direction and even compliments Jamie on her outfit.  


Maybe this school isn’t all too bad, Jamie thinks.

She walks past a few open doors until she finds Dani’s classroom and stops when she hears yelling voices coming from it.

She lurks around the corner and finds a couple of parents who are clearly making Dani upset.

“I don’t know why you think YOU would have the right to decide what’s best for OUR son. You’re what? Not even 30? You are clearly just a kid yourself.”   
  
“My wife is right, someone like YOU shouldn’t even be allowed to teach children.”

“Mrs. and Mr. Davidson, I know you are upset right now and I can see why you may have a reason to, but I promise, Connor is in good hands with me. He is the smartest kid in the class, I assure you! I was trying to -”   
  
“ENOUGH!” Mr. Davidson yells.

“I won’t hear any of this anymore. We will take this matter to the principal, won’t we, Ashley?”

“Indeed we will, Brad. And as for you, Miss Clayton. We will make sure you won’t be teaching any children at any school anymore.”   
  
Jamie has had enough.

“Excuse me, would you mind telling me why you are yelling at my colleague here?”

Lying may not be the best option right now, but it’s the only thing she can think of right now.

“Who do you think you are?” Mrs. Davidson scoffs and looks Jamie up and down.

“If you may know, I’m the new art teacher and I would appreciate it if you could lower your voice. There are still children in the building and surely you don’t want them to experience a trauma due to your yelling now, won’t you?” Jamie says with a surprisingly steady voice, considering her hands, who she’s balled into fists, are shaking.

Her don’t-fuck-with-me-look that she’s trained herself a long time ago somehow works wonders right now because Mrs. Davidson takes her husband’s hand and says “Pfft, come on Bradey. Let’s leave. I don’t think our intelligence is of use here.”

Once they are around the corner Jamie quickly closes the door and rushes over to Dani, who still seems very taken aback by what just happened.

Jamie puts her hands on Dani’s upper arms, rubbing them comfortingly.

“Hey. Dani. Look at me, are you okay?”

Dani sniffles but nods and lifts her head up to meet Jamie’s eyes.

“I.. I think so. That was pretty rude.”   
  
“Sure was! If you want I can sort them out for you. I might be small but I know how to to defend myself.”

Dani snorts, which immediately calms Jamie a little. “No offense, but you look like you won’t harm a fly.”   
  
“Uhm, excuse me, but I am a strong woman, even with my teeny tiny muscles.” 

Dani lets out a laugh. “Right, my bad.”

“Wanna tell me what happened?” Jamie asks with concern in her voice.

“I.. I’d much rather just get out of here, if I’m being honest. Is that okay?”   
  
“Sure! Do you still want to get dinner or do you want to-”   
  
“Dinner sounds perfect right now.” Dani cuts in and smiles.

While Dani grabs her belongings from her desk, Jaime reaches out and places sheets of paper back in the open file cabinet.

“What are you doing?” Dani asks.

“Helping you pack up. After all, four hands are faster than two.”

“You don’t… Thank you.” she replies.

Jamie attempts to pick up a notebook just as Dani makes ahold of it and their fingers brush slightly against each other.

When she lifts her head to look at Dani she finds the other woman blushing but she doesn’t make a move to let go of Jamie’s hand. No, instead she does what she did last night and gives it a slight squeeze.

This right here feels so intimate to Jamie that it almost makes her want to run away.

But of course, she doesn’t.

She doesn’t because Dani is holding her hand now and her gaze as well, letting her know how much she appreciates Jamie being here.

Then, she snaps out of it.

“Uh.. I, Sorry. Don’t know what that was.”   
  
“No need to apologise, Poppins.” Jamie replies and returns the gesture, stroking Dani’s hand with small circles.

* * *

  
  


The place that Dani picked for dinner is classy but simple. An Italian restaurant that’s been run as a family business for over 58 years now.

Dani says they have the best Penne Di Funghi in town so that’s what they both go for once the waitress asks for their order.

They eat in comfortable silence for a while before Dani clears her throat and asks

“Do you remember when I first came over to your house? After you found me on the porch?”

Jamie nods, wondering where this is going.

Dani inhales sharply and lowers her voice.

“Edmund and I got in a fight that afternoon. It was nothing too serious but… I just thought you deserve to know. After all you were there for me that night.”

Jamie looks at her worriedly. “Dani, I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s okay now. I suppose. It’s also quite the ridiculous thing we were fighting about, not worth talking about.” 

“Alright, if you say so. In case you change your mind, I’ll be happy to listen.”

“Thank you.” she smiles.

“So, how was your day then? I mean besides angry parents yelling at you, that is.”

“It was actually really nice. Well, until  _ that  _ of course. The kids were all so well behaved today that it was almost scary.” she chuckles.

“That Connor kid, he’s a nice one, yeah?”

“Oh he is. Such a wonderful kid. Sometimes I wonder if he was adopted because, well.. You’ve met his parents. Don’t tell anyone I said that though.”

“Secret’s safe with me as always.” Jamie winks at her which makes Dani blush a little.

She takes a big sip of her soda before she begins to speak again.

“I asked him if he could spend less time with his friends in his free time and if he’d consider making more time for me.”

For a second Jamie is confused but then realises she is talking about Edmund.

“And for some reason he got really angry like,  _ really really _ angry. He started yelling and told me he was doing everything to support this family. That he works so much so we can have nice things. To which I said that I never asked him for that and that I don’t want all these nice things he was talking about.”

She stops to take another sip of soda.

“Then it got worse…He asked me why I’m letting him and our family down. So I told him that it doesn’t feel like my family really. I mean it has always been him and his parents and brothers and I was the misfit they took in. I.. didn’t tell him that last part though. He was already upset enough.”

Jamie reaches over the table to grab Dani’s hand, which she then gently strokes with her thumb.

“Dani, I…” she starts but then sees tears forming in her eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

She lifts her other hand and wipes the falling tears away with her right thumb.

“What can I do?” she offers.

Dani looks at her with big eyes and her voice is wobbly when she answers.

“You… you’re a lawyer right?”

Jamie nods  _ Yes. _

“I think I want to divorce Edmund. I’ve been wanting for a while I just.. I don’t know, I guess I thought it would get better. There are so many more things that happened and I… Would you.. Would you represent me in court?” she asks and bites her lip, hoping Jamie will say yes.

“Of course I will.”

Once Dani has calmed down a little they begin planning out what Dani is going to tell Edmund.

They agreed it would be best to not spend much time together around the time of the process, because Jamie told her it would make the judges suspicious in case the trial gets bad.

As they are finished with their meals Dani calls over the waitress for the check and Jamie reaches for her purse, stating it is her treat but Dani simply refuses to let her pay.

When Jamie stands and grabs Dani’s coat she seems confused.

“At least let me be a gentleman again.” Jamie explains and Dani accepts the gesture.

“You’re truly the one, Jamie.” Dani says and hugs her quickly.

Jamie has to pull herself together to not get lost in Dani’s scent.

She smells of the sea and of lavender and of fresh laundry.

She smells like something Jamie would call home.

  
  
  


Back in the parking lot Dani can’t seem to get her car started.

  
“I don’t understand though. I just had it fixed.” she groans. “What am I gonna do now?”

“Well luckily you got your personal chauffeur.” Jamie smirks and nudges her in the side playfully as Dani gets out of her car.

“You’re the best.” she says once they are buckled up in Jamie’s car.

  
  


* * *

  
  


They’re halfway home when Dani says something that makes Jamie’s stomach turn.

“You know… I actually feel way more comfortable in your presence than I have ever felt with Eddie in the past year.”

Jamie takes her eyes off the road for a second to look at Dani and finds her playing nervously with the hem of her dress.

She doesn’t really know what to say to that so she settles with “I’m glad then.”

  
  


As they pull up into Jamie’s driveway and she has put the car into park mode she turns towards Dani who just looks… done. Exhausted. Like life doesn’t want to work out for her.

“You alright, Poppins?” she asks and Dani nods then turns to face Jamie.

It feels like she is searching for something in her face and Jamie can hear her breathing shakingly.

“I want to try something. Tell me if you want to stop.” she whispers.

Dani lets her hand rest on Jamie’s thigh, which makes Jamie shiver.

Then she slowly leans over until their faces are close but not yet close enough for a kiss.

Jamie’s heart starts beating uncontrollably and her palms start sweating.

She starts to move her face a little closer, wanting nothing more than to finally, finally kiss this smart, gorgeous woman in front of her but…

But their moment is quickly destroyed when someone, Edmund, pulls open the passenger door and starts yelling ugly, awful things at them.

_ How dare Jamie take advantage of his wife? _

_ Are you a lesbian now, Danielle? _

_ Is that why you won’t touch my dick anymore? _

Jamie quickly gets out of the car and walks over to Edmund before she has to witness something she doesn’t ever want to see.

“Edmund, this is so not what it looked like.” she tries but he surely seems like he’s had enough.

Frankly, it definitely WAS what it looked like, which is that Dani had wanted to kiss Jamie, but neither of them admits it. At least not for now.

Edmund starts dragging Dani out of the car but Jamie grabs his hands and tells him to let go of her.

“Get your gross fingers off of me.” He shouts.

But Jamie isn’t having any of this.

“If you lay a finger on her, I swear to god I will call the police on you. And in case you didn’t know, I am a lawyer and if I notice anything in the slightest, you will regret it.”

“Jamie…” Suddenly Dani is next to Jamie who has managed to get Edmund a bit away from the car.

Her voice is shaking now.

“I’m okay Jamie. I’ll handle this.” she whispers, grabs Edmund’s hand and drags him to their house.

  
  


It is pretty obvious Jamie can’t stop worrying that night.

She thought about texting Dani to make sure she’s okay, at least for now, but then decided better not to, in case Edmund would have her phone.

Jamie’s seen the worst cases already.

It’s around midnight when her prayers are heard and there is a text from Dani.

_ “Hey. I’m okay now. I’ll tell you the whole story eventually but for now I talked him down a little and offered him a glass of wine to ease up. I might have drugged him a bit, nothing serious, just sleeping pills. I’ve only done it once so far. He’s asleep now. Please don’t sue me for it though..” _

Jamie has to admit, she’s impressed. She never would’ve taken Dani for a wife that drugs her husband but she quickly texts back, not wanting to cause her any more worry.

_ “Of course not. You should delete the messages though, in case anyone finds them, especially Edmund.” _

Then she adds:   
  
_ “Let me know if you need anything else. I’m here for you.” _ _   
_   
Dani takes a while to answer and Jamie starts to get worried again but after about 20 minutes there’s a reply.

  
_ “I will. Thank you. _ ❤️”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it obvious that i don't like edmund??  
> also the title is from: Subway Song by Delacey :) definitely check it out, it deserves more recognition


	9. Cold coffee on the table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title are lyrics from Forever by Lewis Capaldi :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoy some more yearning and angst because apparently that's all i know how to write haha   
> (not really, i promise)

**Chapter 9**

**-Cold coffee on the table-**

Since Jamie’s last case has been solved she found herself with plenty of time to think about Dani.

Until next week, that is, when she would walk into her office and have a new file on her desk, hopefully with a post-it note stuck to it that reads ‘Well done :)’, like the last time she had won a difficult case.

So when she wakes the next day, a Thursday that is, she immediately reaches for her phone to see if there was a message from Dani.

There wasn’t though and it only gave her more reason to worry.

The last time they saw each other, Dani dragged her husband into their house after he caught her almost kissing Jamie.

The almost kissing… Jamie still isn’t sure what to make of that exactly, especially since Dani didn’t say whether or not she was into women.

Not that Jamie would ever pressure her to come out, let alone label herself, she knows how hard it is just having to figure it out for yourself.

She klicks the screen on again to check the time and decides that 5:22 a.m. is a bit too early to start her free day.

With a stretch she puts the phone back onto the nightstand and closes her eyes, forcing herself back to sleep.

But sleep won’t come and so she finds herself tossing and turning, her mind not wanting to get rid of Dani, wide, blue eyes, smelling of lemon soda and hibiscus shampoo, leaning in and-

_ NO _ , she says out loud to herself.

She opens her bedside drawer and fumbles around for her earphones.

Music tends to help her fall asleep so she chooses her playlist called “sleepy vibes” and turns to her side.

After about five songs or so, she doesn’t really remember, she falls asleep.

* * *

They are back on the poppy field, laying down and facing each other.

“I wish we could stay out here all day.” Dani whispers.

“Aren’t you afraid someone will find you here eventually?” Jamie wonders.

“I mean, this is a public place after all.”

“If anyone really found me out here, I wouldn’t be too worried. I’ve got you, don’t I?” Dani replies with a sheepish smile.

“And that means?” Jamie smirks and draws closer to Dani.

“That means that I know you’ll protect me.” she says and when their lips touch softly, Jamie reaches out a hand to stroke Dani’s cheek.

Dani opens her mouth for Jamie’s tongue and they begin a playful fight inside Dani’s mouth.

Above them the birds are chirping in the trees and there is a slight breeze surrounding them.

Eventually they pull apart and Dani’s hand finds its way around Jamie’s waist, drawing lazy circles on the soft fabric of her shirt.

“Aren’t you gonna get that?” she asks and gestures to the back pocket of Jamie’s pants, where her phone is ringing.

“Oh, uhm, yeah I should. Probably.”

She pulls out the phone and….

* * *

  
  


And it’s her usual 8 o’clock alarm waking her from yet another Dani-filled dream.

She groans and removes her earphones which are now playing “You really got me” by The Kinks. How ironic, she thinks and starts making her bed.

Considering this is her first day off in weeks, she should probably be relaxing but obviously after everything that’s happened in the past few days she can’t stop the thoughts from coming.

It’s a little after noon when she properly checks her phone for the first time this day.

Her whole house is tidied from head to toe, every piece of furniture free of dust, every corner hoovered, every plant carefully taken care of.

Stress-cleaning is definitely a thing of hers.

Whilst checking her messages she hovers over Dani’s chat for a second, then opens it.

She wonders what Dani is doing right now. 

Did she go to work today?

Did she stay home?

Has her husband hopefully not woken up?

No, she quickly dismisses that thought.

She doesn’t like to think such thoughts, even though she despises that guy.

Not knowing what to do with her free time, she wonders if it would be weird of her to stop by the primary school.

Yes, that definitely would be weird.

But what else could she do to make sure Dani’s alright?   
Sure, she could just walk over and knock on her door, but the thought of Edmund opening the door and having to face that total twat makes her whine.

Then an idea pops into her head and she grabs her purse and keys and heads out the door.

Figuring, or more like hoping, it would be less awkward to stop by Dani’s workplace with a good reason, she picks up lunch for both of them.

If Dani asks she can always say it’s a return of gesture because Dani wouldn’t let her pay for last night’s dinner.

Despite not really knowing her way around the new town yet, she somehow manages to get to the school without her navigation system.

When she pulls up in the school’s car park there are loads of children outside so it must be lunch break.

Perfect timing, she mutters to herself and gets out of her car.

She quickly finds Dani’s classroom and although the door is ajar, she knocks on the doorframe.

When Dani looks up and realises who is standing there, she smiles and blushes.

“Jamie!” she says with somewhat relief. “What a surprise. What are you… what are you doing here?”

Jamie steps into the room and holds up the brown paper bag. “Brought you lunch.” 

“Oh wow.” Dani looks shocked which saddens Jamie somehow.

Has Edmund never brought her lunch before? Not even on his days off?

“That is probably the sweetest thing ever. And also super convenient because I forgot to bring something today. I didn’t get to prepare something last night because…” her voice trails off and she looks down at her lap.

“S’alright, I got you covered.” Jamie says and walks over to her desk.

“May I?” she points to the chair to which Dani hastily says “Oh yes, sure! Of course!”

As Jamie unpacks their boxes she spies a mug with a brown beverage on Dani’s desk, which is neatly placed on a coater.

Dani must have seen her puzzled look and glances over to said mug.

“Oh ehm, coffee. I think it’s-” 

“Yep, it’s gotten cold by now.” she notices after taking a sip and slowly spitting it back into the mug.

“Cold coffee, huh? I thought you Americans liked that.” Jamie teases and hands Dani her box along with wooden cutlery.

“Thanks.” Dani says as she takes the items.

“Actually, some of us do, but usually it’s accompanied by some type of milk and ice cubes then.” she sticks out her tongue, which if it had been anyone else would have looked childish, but when she does it, Jamie could melt on the spot.

Dani opens her box and after examining its content she smiles a very sad smile.

“Everything alright?” Jamie asks and raises an eyebrow.

“Everything is great.” 

“But something looks off. Is it the food? We can switch if you want to.”

She offers her own box.

“No, no it’s not that. This is…” she lets out a sigh.

“Dani, what is it?” Jamie asks again, this time with more concern in her voice.

“I just didn’t get much sleep last night, you know.” 

She looks up at Jamie who returns the gaze and Jamie’s stomach starts hurting.

Dani’s state is somewhat saddening to see.

Her eyes are puffy from crying even though she tried to cover it with makeup, Jamie can clearly tell, her gaze isn’t focused on anything at all and over all she seems… fragile.

Suddenly Jamie gets frightened “He didn’t find out you... drugged him, did he?” she whispers.

“No! No, he didn’t. When he woke up this morning he didn’t say anything about it, he assumed he just got sleepy and went to bed. He usually does that anyway when he drinks too much.”

“That’s good then.” Jamie exhales in relief.

What follows is them eating in a weird silence, it’s not totally uncomfortable but one can tell there is something unspoken lingering between them.

Halfway finished with her meal, Jamie is the first one to speak again.

“So, how are you holding up? I mean, how has today been for you?”

Dani has put her fork down and started to fidget with her fingers.

“I don’t know. Okay, I guess.”   
  
“Not to sound rude, but you don’t have to pretend with me, Dani. You really don’t.” Jamie says and gently squeezes her hand while looking at her.

“That’s not rude at all.” Dani whispers with a smile which Jamie returns.

“So how are you, really then?”

“Lost I suppose. Eddie actually said some nice things this morning when he woke up, apologised over and over again. He even offered to stay home and spend time with me but I said no. He insisted on spending the afternoon with me though, as an apology for how badly he reacted last night. We’ll go for dinner.”

All this comes as a shock to Jamie and she doesn’t know what to say so she withdraws her hand from Dani’s and picks up her fork again.

“Did I… Did I say something wrong?” Dani asks and bites her lip in concern.

“No, not at all. I’m just… Processin’.”

“Processing what?”

“Well, I mean last night u literally were saying u wanted to divorce him and now u have dinner plans.” Jamie looks up at her again.

“Jamie, I- I’m sorry, I just don’t know what you wanted me to say. I think he’s making an effort and maybe… maybe he can change for the better.” Dani stammers.

Jamie scoffs “Sure.”

“What?” 

“Nothin’, just-”

The bell rings, announces the end of lunch break and Jamie is somewhat relieved for this interruption. She doesn’t even know what she would have told Dani.

_ Oh, that’s so great to hear that your probably-homophobic-husband is taking you out for dinner after he found you almost kissing me? _

“Oh shoot, I forgot about the time.” Dani winces and reaches for her purse, while Jamie cleans up the desk.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“Uhm, paying you?” Dani looks confused.

“Uh-uh, it’s my turn this time. As a return for last night’s dinner.” she can’t help the fact of always trying to be empathetic.

Dani then gazes at her and looks like she is about to say something, but doesn’t.

Both seem to be remembering what almost happened last night, when two boys enter the classroom.

Dani looks at them and then goes “Connor, hey!”

“Hi Miss Clayton and Miss Clayton’s friend.” the dark blonde boy, Connor, says with a grin.

Jamie smiles at him, then turns to Dani and says “Alright then. I’ll.. see u around. I’m glad you’re okay.” before she leaves the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a real kiss soon, I pinky promise!!! :D  
> If you liked this chapter, leave a comment please XX


	10. if it’s all in my head tell me now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie is exhausted by Dani not being sure whether she wants her or not.  
> Very small mention of (not active) drug use

Jamie has had relationships with many different women in the past. Some made her feel safe, some made her question her own sanity. Usually it was her to break things off, because the thought of having to commit to someone, who couldn’t meet her on an emotional and spiritual level made her want to throw up.

After some horrible break-ups she decided to only stick to one night stands, it would save her from too many unwanted feelings and from a lot of trouble. At least that is what she tells herself.

Her mother might have speculated about her ever since she was a child, that she would never be able to love anyone beside herself, but Jamie surely proved her mum and herself wrong.

There was Elaine in secondary school, who always pretended to have a crush on Jamie whom she had such a strong friendship with, that Jamie kept her more-than-friends feelings to herself. Scared she would destroy their bond.

There was Noelle in college, a girl she met online because of their shared interest in plants. They would obsess over their newest additions together and talk to each other as if they’ve known each other for ages. But after Jamie took the train up to North England and confessed her love for Noelle after she lost her virginity to her, Noelle ghosted her and pretended as if nothing had ever happened between them.

So yeah, Jamie has known love. 

Jamie has known deep, unconditional love. The one that can make you do some really stupid shit, fuck you up, in that matter.

Jamie has also known hurt and heartbreak.

More times than she would have liked, truth be told.

The first heartbreak came when her mum left and she was sent to foster care with her brothers.

There was more after that but she hates to think of these now.

Now, she is sitting on her bed with her laptop open on her lap, Denny’s face visible on the screen. And despite trying to focus on what her brother is catching her up on, her mind keeps wandering off to Dani.

Dani who had, not even a week ago, tried to kiss her and then pretended, like so many other girls before, pretended it didn’t happen. Although, this time nothing actually did happen.

But the pretending was there before. When Jamie had kissed Lana in her bedroom and the next day at school for some reason she couldn’t even remember Jamie’s name.

“Jamesy? You still there?” Denny’s voice finally brings her back to reality.

“So sorry Den. What were you just saying?” she stutters.

“No, no. Something is clearly going on. What’s wrong?”

He looks at her with big eyes.

“It’s nothing, promise. So, what were you saying?” she dismisses his concern and takes a sip of her tea that’s resting on her bedside table.

“Jamie. Talk to me.” Denny presses. He only calls her Jamie when something is really wrong, or when he is mad at her, which doesn’t happen often.

His eyes are filled with concern and so is his voice when he speaks next.

“I know you don’t like sharing your feelings, but you can talk to me. About anything. Always. You know that, right?”

Jamie sighs “Sure do…” She rubs the bridge of her nose with her thumb and pointer finger and lets out a groan.

“Alright. You remember Dani, don’t you?” she looks at him and he nods in return.

One thing Jamie loves about Denny is that he doesn’t pressure her or interrupts her when they’re having a serious conversation. He just lets her talk.

“Right. So… well a lot has happened since you and I last talked.” She sighs again.

“The short version is that she tried to kiss me but her husband caught us and now she’s acting weird. Like as if she doesn’t know what she wants. And I know she’s married, I know that Denny, but the way she looks at me and talks to me. I am not imagining it, pinky promise. There is something in her eyes that… I don’t know, that makes me feel as if there was more to the story than she’s admitting. And she keeps touching me, not in a sexual way at all but even more intimate, like she would... Hold my hands and give ‘em a squeeze and... Does that make sense?” 

She exhales and takes another sip of the tea, waiting for Denny’s response.

“Okay, alright, let’s see. She kissed you-”

“Tried to!”

“-right, tried to kiss you. Then her man caught you and now she is scared to confront you about it.”   
  
“Pretty much, yeah.” Jamie nods.

“Hmm… I mean it does sound like she is flirting with you on some levels. Very subtly but she surely is, big sis.”

Jamie doesn’t know what to respond to that so she doesn’t say anything.

“Jamie, look. If you tell me she is flirting with you and even tried to kiss you, but is married, then she might not be as straight as you thought she was. And maybe she’s just too afraid to admit that to herself.”

“Mhm, you might be right.”

She inhales and exhales deeply.

“What do I do, Den?”

“Honestly? Give her time. That’s what I did with you anyway, whenever you had issues with a girlfriend and didn’t want to talk. I gave you space and time. Still do, don’t I?”

“Yeah, you do.” Jamie chuckles.

* * *

  
  
  


At work the next morning her colleagues have quickly noticed that something is wrong with Jamie. She usually greets them every morning when she walks past their offices, even on Monday with a very occasional hangover, but today she doesn’t seem to want to talk to anybody.

After she has made herself her 3rd cup of coffee - a beverage she normally avoids at all costs, let alone drinks more than one cup of - which is around 10:15 am, her boss knocks on her door and gives her a genuine smile.

“Jamie, are you okay?” She asks.

Jamie is quite caught up in her thoughts though, so she jumps a little at her boss’s voice and replies hastily “Oh, yeah sure. It’s just some usual family stuff. Nothing important.”

Another smile from her boss which makes Jamie frown.

“Alright, if you say so.” she says with a grin. As she walks out the door she adds    
“If you want to talk though, let me know.”

“Thank you, Alex.” 

This isn’t the first time her boss has made an effort of getting Jamie to open up and while Jamie definitely won’t do so, she is glad to have a female boss here.

God knows what would have happened if Alex was a guy instead of this beautiful, short-haired redhead.

Jamie’s had many unpleasant male boss figures in the past and all of them had the same attitude: Thinking they are superior to their female colleagues because of their gender.

Which, of course, is absolute bullshit.

The rest of her work day goes by fast for some reason, which could be that Alex offers her to leave the office an hour earlier, since the current case is almost done anyway.

Jamie thanks her and once she is out of the building she finds herself wanting to cry.

She hates herself for the fact that a not-so-much stranger has her all tangled up and almost crying in public.

It’s only a little after seven in the evening when she makes the spontaneous decision to ring up Rebecca, another British gal whom she met when she first moved to America, for drinks.

Rebecca being the party girl that she is, accepts and so Jamie finds herself in their favourite bar not even an hour later.

They’re sitting in a booth in the far right corner of the bar, having chosen that exact spot for no other reason than it’s where no one will be able to see Jamie’s silent tears as she finally, finally opens up to someone about the woman who is driving her nuts.

“I swear to god, Becs. She is making me feel crazy. One minute she wants to kiss me, the next she is pretending nothing ever happened and being all gushy with her husband.”

Truth be told, Jamie never ever cries in front of other people. 

Except two which are her brother Denny and Rebecca, who is now looking at her with worry in her eyes. She is also aware of said fact, which gives her all the reason to be worrying about her friend.

Jamie has made a promise to herself years ago, to never appear weak to anybody, not even her closest friends.

But sometimes even her highest walls come crashing down.

“And you haven’t talked since when exactly?” Rebecca is asking now.

“Uhm, almost a week ago. Last Thursday I… I went to bring her lunch, see if I could get anything from her, a sign maybe. And there are too many to be able to tell what she wants.”   
  
“Maybe it’s time to just go for it then? Ask her out, Jamie. See what she’s on to.”   
  
At this bland suggestion, Jamie chokes a little on her drink. Her fourth by now, which is why her words are now coming out in a slur.

“M-m, no. Not a good idea. Did you forget she’s married?”

Rebecca laughs “So? You say she keeps sending signals. Plus, I would be relieved if a hot girl like you asked me out and I’m married too.”   
  
“Mhm, yeh, but you’re married to a prick.”

Realising what she’s just said, Jamie’s face turns red and Rebecca’s eyes start to form small, almost unnoticeable, tears.

“Becs, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that-”   
  
“No, no. You’re right. He is.” She quickly rubs her eyes and clears her throat, then takes a long, big sip from her drink.

“If there’s anything I can do to help… I don’t like the idea of you staying with him after all he’s done. I know you think ya might love him, but I’d rather have you be safe than sorry.”

Rebecca takes a long breath, thinks about what Jamie’s just said.

She loves how her friend boldly speaks her mind, even if it hurts sometimes.

But that’s what the truth does, right?

“Is it crazy of me to want the divorce? I know I said it before over and over again, but… I think it might be time? I don’t know.”

“Nothing crazy about that, promise.” Jamie offers her a smile, which she somewhat returns.

“Plus, you’d be the second one to tell me about wanting to divorce your husband.”   
  


“Wait… You’re not talking about Dani, are you?” Rebecca’s eyes go wide.

Jamie brings her glass to her lips and raises her eyebrow over the rim.

“You are having an impeccable effect on married woman, Jamie Taylor.” Rebecca chuckles.

“Maybe. So about yours then. Do you have a lawyer yet?”   
  
She shakes her head “Not yet. And I know you’d help me but I’d rather not bring you into this mess more than you already are. I hope you understand.”   
  
“Course I do, Becs. Plus, I’d probably end up punching that twat in the courtroom anyway.”

“Do you happen to know any other good ones beside yourself?”

“Actually, I do.” Jamie replies and goes to take out a contact card of Alex’s that she remembers having in her purse.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Back home Jamie is finding herself walking around the living room restlessly.

She tells herself it must be because the case she’s assigned to is boring and she also shares it with another colleague who is doing most of the work anyway. Which means she basically has nothing to do.

She is just about to pour herself a glass of water when her phone starts ringing.

There is a slight moment in which Jamie finds herself hoping, praying maybe, that it might be Dani. Just to say hello, just to say anything.

Hoping even harder that maybe, just maybe, she would admit to her feelings for Jamie and apologise for confusing her, like so many others did before. Back when Jamie was still too young and too naive to actually believe such things.

But when she goes to pick up the phone and the screen actually says Dani, she is not so sure anymore that she wished she had called at all.

There is, again, a slight hesitation before she answers the call.

“Hello?” she says, but it comes out harder than she wanted to.

“Hey Jamie. It’s Dani. I.. uh… I have a favour to ask.”

And here is when Jamie gets the urge to run.

Because in the past, when a woman she had feelings for had asked her for a favour, it didn’t mean anything good.

It would involve totally weird things, like pretending she was Kelly’s wife to prove her heteronormative mother wrong, to prove her being a lesbian wasn’t just a phase.

It would also involve more dangerous things, like peeing in a cup for an ex-lover, who was a drug addict and had to present a clean urine sample.

But this is Jamie we are talking about and to be fair, after all she’s done for a woman before, how could Dani’s favour be any worse?

“Sure thing. What’s up?” Jamie replies and wipes her sweaty palms on her jeans.

“Ehm, so I was at dinner with Eddie but… we got into a fight and he left me here by myself. And he took the car so…”   
  


“Ohhhh, okay. So you want me to pick you up then?”

“It’s not only a want to, but I need you to, yeah.” Dani whispers and Jamie can hear her breathing on the other end.

‘I need you to.’ rings back in Jamie’s ears like a love letter.

“Alright,” she sighs and gets up to grab her purse “Whereabouts are you right now?”

* * *

  
  


Once Jamie has reached the location Dani texted her she considers her options on how to bring up what Rebecca had suggested earlier.

Obviously, if she was one hundred percent sober right now, she wouldn’t even think about whether to ask Dani out or not. Because she would not.

But right now Jamie still has a little bit of alcohol in her veins from her night out and not-sober Jamie is known for making questionable choices.

“Thanks again for this, Jamie. It really means a lot.” Dani says as she enters the car and reaches for the seatbelt.

“S’no problem at all, really. Although I have to admit I don’t really like drivin’ when I’ve had a drink, or…. 5. But it’s okay.”   
  
“Wait, you’re drunk?” Dani asks and looks at Jamie with pure shock in her eyes.

“No, not drunk. I promise I’m not. When I really am I don’t drive at all, swear to God. I went out with a friend earlier tonight and we had a couple of pints.”   
  
“Oh, I’m so sorry for putting you in that position. I can take a taxi though, it’s fine, I-”   
  
“Hey, seriously. I’m a really good driver, plus this way I can make sure you get 

home safely.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you were such a law breaker. I mean with your job and everything.” Dani teases.

“Ha, well I’d break the law for you anytime, Poppins.” Jamie replies with a chuckle.

After both start realising what Jamie has just said, an awkward silence settles between them for the rest of the drive.

Once they’ve made it home, safely obviously, and Jamie has parked her car into her driveway, neither of them make a move to get out of the car. Which seems familiar.

Jamie is the one to break the silence, says “Dani, about the other night-”   
But Dani interrupts her, says “No, let me start. Please. I’m sorry I put you in that position. I know it was shitty of me to not talk to you about it. I should have said something. I’m sorry.”

“Said something about what?” Jamie wonders out loud.

Dani turns her head towards her. “Well… about us.”

For a minute, Jamie is quiet, processes what Dani’s just said, then goes “What about us, Dani?”

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know, Jamie.” she sighs and turns her head to look back out the windshield.”

There is a long pause before either of them know what to say but Dani seems to be the first one to have found her voice again.

“You're one of the best people I know Jamie and I don’t want to give that up.”

“Give what up?” Jamie asks and her voice makes it clear she is pretty much exhausted by now.

“Our friendship? Aren’t we friends?”

“I guess we are, yeah. But do friends do what we are doing? Say all these nice things and take each other to their hiding spot and hold hands?”

“I don’t know.” Dani answers and starts playing with the band of her purse.

Jamie sighs and turns in her seat to properly look at her.

“Look, you don’t need to know right now. Seriously. I’m not gonna pressure you into anything, but please don’t tell me all those things unless you’re sure about what you want.”

Dani grunts “This is hard for me Jamie. I am-”

“You’re married, I know. But you also tried to kiss me and then you sent all those signals and what am I supposed to do with that, ignore that?”

Dani turns to look back at her, tries to find her gaze. Her eyes are wide and it feels like the first time they were sitting in this exact spot.   
Although tonight, Dani isn’t trying to kiss Jamie.

Instead she fidgets around with her fingers.

“I don’t know… I’m sorry.” she says eventually and leaves the car, leaves Jamie alone with her thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me gays for I have sinned, I give you some angst again.   
> thank you so much for reading my fic, I can’t believe I almost have 4k hits 🥺💙  
> I don’t know when I’ll be able to update next, I’m posting this chapter at a petrol station haha, because I’m moving flat, so I’ll be busyyyy.  
> love you all💙


	11. A row of firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can all relax now, I’m not giving you angst this time :D

**Chapter 11**

**A row of firsts**

  
  


_ “I don’t know… I’m sorry.”  _ rings back in Jamie’s ears like it’s the only thing her mind wants to occupy itself with for now.

Of course she should have known better than to fall for a married woman, after all she’s been through all that before. Definitely didn't plan nor wanted it to happen a second time. But feelings can't be planned and so the next night Jamie finds herself pacing her kitchen with her phone in her hand, Dani’s contact info pulled up on the screen.

To call or not to call.

To text or not to text her. 

“ _ Give her time. _ ” Denny’s voice reminds her silently.

Time.

For how long exactly, she wonders. 

For how long can she keep pretending to not want to sweep Dani into her arms and press her lips onto hers until neither of them can breathe properly.

For how long does she have to cling onto her dreams, in which her feelings are reciprocated.

For how long does she have to keep tossing and turning at night because Dani won’t leave her mind, won’t let her rest.

One thing Jamie totally hates is uncertainty.

And so calling is what she settles on, not giving a damn about whether or not she might interrupt a dinner or movie night of Dani and Edmund.

She wants to know, has to know, where they stand.

She can’t for the love of her keep going like this. 

When Jamie got broken up with the last time it was “for multiple reasons” her ex told her, although it was obvious to Jamie that the main one was that she kept insisting on doing anything and everything on her own. Her ex simply did not want to deal with such a selfless person and it was something she said that has been sticking with Jamie until now.

“I don’t want to see you pushing yourself far beyond your limits and always trying to be your best, Jamie. You’re allowed to be selfish, you’re allowed to insist on your needs. Insist on what you really want instead of focusing on what others could need.”

Insist… 

Her gaze travels up to her glass-windowed kitchen cabinet, on it resting the cup of stars which seems to be staring at her, though it is just some porcelain.

_ “Insist on your cup of stars.” _

Again something that’s coming back to Jamie from her memory right now and she is reminded of that night when Dani stood on her doorstep, asking for her, needing her even, maybe. 

How she had wrapped her fingers gently around the fragile material, as if the mug was the most breakable thing in the world.

How her voice had been only a whisper and filled with so much sorrow and heaviness when she said “ _ Sometimes the most fragile people are also the ones who will be extra cautious about what they’re doing and how they’re handling things _ .”

Another thing Jamie hates is a sad Dani Clayton. 

Of course she knows that no one can be feeling good all the time.

But she also knows that she can do something now to change Dani’s mood. Obviously she doesn’t know what to expect from their conversation to come, but she wants to try, at least.

Wants to get clarity.

So. Calling it is.

Jamie’s hands go sweaty as she presses the green button and they continue to do so as there is a first, then a second ring and after the fifth one, there’s relief within her when the most beautiful voice in the world answers:

“Hey, you.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


If her hands were sweaty before, they now are as wet as if she’d just washed and then forgotten to dry them, Jamie thinks as she replies to Dani’s “Hey you.” with a simple

“Hullo.”

_ Wow, how very British of you, Jamie _ , she slaps herself mentally.

“I, uhm. I have to be honest with you and… And I don’t know if you’re going to like what I have to say but…”

Jamie takes a deep breath, trying to breathe in as much strength as she can, as if her kitchen was somehow filled with molecules of motivation.

“You are more than just a friend to me, Dani.” she exhales and has to steady herself on the kitchen counter.

A slight intake of breath on the other line, then Dani’s quiet voice trying to interrupt her

“But Jamie, -”

“Dani, please. I need to say this right now or I will never do it.”

Another deep breath from Jamie, bracing herself before the truth will be told and never be taken back.

“I wasn't expecting any of this when I moved here, how you would be the one to make me feel so safe even though we don't really know each other, how I... want to be more open with people. Well  _ you  _ mostly for the big part but…”

She exhales and starts pacing around the kitchen, into the living room.

“All of this is such a first to me, I don't... I don't usually  _ want  _ to open up to people and… and I know you are married Dani, I know the situation you are in right now. But I also know that there is no denying in you wanting to kiss me, Dani. I know that I wasn't the only one who was feeling things when we were laying on the poppy field. I know that there is something special here and I think, no I am sure, that you can feel it too.”

Denny would be impressed right now. By Jamie speaking her truth and with such a big monologue, so many words about her feelings at once.

And Jamie is too, impressed, if not proud of herself. But also…

Scared.

Scared because she can hear Dani breathing shakingly on the other line.

Scared because then, the breathing stops and after a minute or so Jamie thinks that she might have hung up.

“D-Dani?” she stutters.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. I’m still here, I was just… processing.” Dani says and clears her throat.

“Okay.”

And then, for a moment, they fall back into a silence again. Though this time, it’s less awkward. It is filled with something like hope, something like wishing, both of them listening to the other’s breathing for a while.

“You’re right.”

And even though she heard her perfectly, she can’t really believe it, wants to hear it again and again and so Jamie asks 

“Sorry?”

“You’re right. About what you just said. About… you not being the only one to feel something.” Dani’s voice is trembling now.

Jamie’s heart skips a couple of beats and she has to take a few deep breaths to register what Dani just said.

Suddenly something shifts on the other line and Jamie can hear noises, something that sounds like a movie playing in the background and then she hears Dani moving.

“Hold on one second, I don’t want to wake Eddie.” she whispers and so Jamie just waits.

After a few minutes there’s a knock on Jamie’s door and she turns to look at it, with a puzzled expression on her face.

“Uhm, can you hold on too actually, there’s someone at the door.” she tells Dani who replies with a simple

“Sure thing.”

* * *

  
  
  


Jamie opens the door to find Dani, looking like she had just woken from a nap, her hair all tangled up, her cheeks a little red. She is wearing sweatpants and a hoodie with the primary’s school logo on it.

Both of them stand there for a moment, holding their phones pressed against their ears, not knowing what to say.

Jamie is the first one to break.

“Oh uhm…” she chuckles nervously and -when did Jamie start chuckling nervously- gestures to her phone.

“I think we should-” she hangs up and puts her phone in the back pocket of her jeans which Dani does too.

“Come in, please.” Jamie offers and steps aside. “I mean if you’d like to.”

Dani gives her a small smile and steps inside but stops next to the door which Jamie then closes behind her.

She starts fidgeting with her fingers which Jamie notices.

“Hey, you don’t need to do -” she smiles at her and gently takes both of her hands “-this.” 

Dani blushes and it is definitely one of Jamie’s favourite things.

“Do you want to sit down?” she asks.

“There’s… There is actually something else I would very much like to do first but… I don’t…” She moves closer to Jamie whose heart starts beating faster.

“I don’t know if I may. Do it, I mean.”

Jamie looks at her with a slightly confused expression. “Do what exactly, Dani?” she asks in a small voice and takes a step forward, leaving barely any distance between them now, feeling Dani’s warm breath on her cheeks.

When Dani speaks next her voice is nothing but a whisper. 

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

Dani leans in and softly cups Jamie’s cheek, her eyes fixed on her lips, her own parted.

She presses her lips against Jamie’s, softly, firmly, hungrily, like she’s been wanting this and only this for a really long time.

She kisses Jamie as if it’s the only thing she knows how to do, as if it’s the only thing that matters right now.

Which, truth be told, it is.

When Jamie reaches up a hand to gently grab Dani by the waist and pulls her tighter, she lets out a soft moan, almost unnoticeable, wasn't Jamie already so sure, so aware of how to read Dani’s body language.

As Dani’s tongue cautiously traces Jamie’s bottom lip, asking for more, for permission to let their tongues play inside their mouths, for a second Jamie is scared she might be woken up from a yet again Dani-filled-dream again.

But nothing of the sort happens.

Instead she opens her mouth and quickly Dani’s tongue makes its way inside, touching the back of her teeth, the top of her palate.

They kiss each other as if there’s no tomorrow.

They kiss each other as if that is what they were destined to do.

They kiss each other until they really can't anymore because breathing is apparently necessary.

When they pull apart, Jamie can spy tears forming in Dani’s eyes so she carefully kisses them away, placing one final kiss on her nose.

Then it is Dani’s turn to grab Jamie to pull her closer, to put her forehead gently against Jamie’s.

“This.” she says breathlessly. “This is what I wanted to do first. And I'm sorry it took me so long. I was… afraid, I guess. But I am done being afraid.”

“More than worth the wait, Poppins.” Jamie says.

“More than worth it.” She smiles and brings a hand up to caress Dani’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL... I did it. Finally. Or more like, they did it.  
> I know I made you all wait so long for this, so I hope this does your expectations justice.  
> If you liked this chapter, pleaaase leave a comment, be it a keysmash, an emoji, anything will do. It means more than you might think.  
> Thanks a lot for reading! xx  
> ps, there will be smut soon so brace yourself.


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